Don't feel so bad for couples who live apart. Absence, according to the latest research, does make the heart grow fonder—as long as there's video-chat, IMing, telephones or texting.
The couples who were in what was once called "geographically impossible" situations tended to reveal more about themselves in each conversation and to idealize their partner's response to each piece of self-disclosure. They also spent more time on each interaction. Such disclosures and idealizations, studies suggest, are the building blocks of intimacy. So not surprising that the diaries reflected more satisfaction among the remotely placed partners. "The long-distance couples try harder than geographically close couples in communicating affection and intimacy," says Jiang, "and their efforts do pay back."
Why does distance drive people to have deeper exchanges? The study doesn't say, but it could be that communicating with somebody without having to worry about decoding their body language made them braver and more forthright. Or it could be that having only limited access to their partners made them want to use the time more meaningfully. Or it could just be that when they had the chance to communicate with their partner, they made it a priority and turned off the TV, looked away from social media or stopped multitasking.
【译文】
不要因夫妻分居两地而感到很糟糕。据最新研究,分居两地,只要有视频、网上聊天、电话或短信,会使感情更深厚。
研究人员调查了63对异性夫妇,其中有一半是住在一起,还有一半分居两地,一星期写一次日记来和爱人相互交流。据来自香港大学的L.Crystal Jiang和康莱尔大学的Jeffery T.Hancock的研究发现,那些分居两地的夫妻每天交流的次数很少,但这些交流更有意义。
那些处于“地理上不可及”的夫妻,在每一次的交流中,都倾向于进行更多的自我展示,并把对方对每一个自我展示的回应理想化。每次对话的时间会更长。研究表明,信息更充足,表达更理想化,是建立亲密关系的基础。所以日记更能反映分居两地的夫妻的满意度也就不足为奇了。Jiang说:“在空间距离上相距远的夫妇总是比那些相距近的夫妇更努力地去进行感情交流,维持亲密关系,并且他们的努力会得到回报。”
为什么距离会驱使人们更深层次的交流?研究并没有对此做出解释,但可能是,因不用操心去解读肢体语言,而使沟通变得更无所顾忌更直率。或者仅仅是因为但他们有机会和伴侣交流时,会关掉电视或停止干其他事,把两人在一起交流看成最重要的。